I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
