So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
