Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
