I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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