I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
