So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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