I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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