Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
