had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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