6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
