My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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