Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
