maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
