his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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