that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i think my tv is drunk
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
