okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
