My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
