im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
worst night to have a conscience
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
