Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
