you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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