so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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