i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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