he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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