After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
