I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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