Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize