I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The air was thick with penises
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
