girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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