meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
