worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
