my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
