When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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