I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
