We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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