So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
