my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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