I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
