yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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