I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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