ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
