i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
