The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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