Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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