We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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