and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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