i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
