She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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