is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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