just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
