Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
