I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
