I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
