I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
