I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
