I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
