making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
