I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
