i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
