There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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