Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize