just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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