We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
