Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
