Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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