How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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