take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
