I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
