They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
