all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
