All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
